Bring Glory to Your Husband

helpingNow, that we’ve absorbed so much as we journey through Martha Peace’s book The Excellent Wife let’s see some ways that we can bring glory to our husbands!

1. Ask your husband “How can I pray for you today?”  I know that sometimes I think I know just what Hubs needs me to pray but in most cases I’m way off the mark!  Stormie Omartian’s book Power of the Praying Wife Devotional is an amazing resource!

“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people.” 1 Timothy 2:1 ESV.

2. Ask your husband “What are your goals for the week; for today?”  You may be asking, why?  If we know what he’s up against then we can help him, be accommodating.  What if he’s working a major project and his mind is totally focused on that?  Wouldn’t it be better to know that instead of getting upset or feeling neglected if he doesn’t respond in his typical way?  I think it makes me more sense to know.

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4 ESV.

3. Ask your husband “How can I help you accomplish your goals for the week; for today?”   Remember, we are his helper.  In any way we can glorify him, we are also glorifying Christ.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 ESV.

4. Ask your husband “Is there anything I can do differently that would make it easier for you?”  Within a month we moved from New Mexico to Texas.  When I got to Texas Hubs had been sleeping in our home, in a closet no less (it was the only place with carpeting) for a week.  No furniture ~ nothing.  The day after I got there he left for a six day hitch. It was up to me to set up house after the movers came.  Of course, I did everything my way.  When Hubs came home from the hitch his way and my way… well, just say they were two different things.  I forgot what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for him.

“I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” 1 Corinthians 7:7 ESV.

5. Be organized with cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, etc.  As we fulfill our God-given responsibilities, then our husbands are free to do his work.  Now this isn’t just for him, you know!  The more organized we are the easier our lives are.  We can put our focus on what really matters.

“But all things should be done decently and in order.”  1 Corinthians 14:40 ESV.

6.  Save some of your energy for him at the end of the day.  There are so many demands on us throughout the day…children, work, home-keeping, etc.  We have to learn to balance our commitments so we aren’t exhausted.   (see #5)

“Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.” Ecclesiastes  9:9 ESV.

7.  Put your husband first!  Over your children, your parents, your friends, your job, etc.  We were wives before we are mothers.  We are wives after our children leave to venture into the world.  Our husbands will be with us through it all.

8.  Be willing and cheerful if your schedule has to change for him when necessary.

“Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Corinthians 9:7 ESV.

9.  Talk about your husband to others in a positive light.  Do not slander him, even if what you are saying is true.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”  Ephesians 4:29 ESV.

10. Do whatever you can to make him look good, to help him accomplish his goals.  Think about ways you can do this…run errands for him, pray for him and make good suggestions.

“As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good.” 2 Thessalonians 3:13 ESV.

11.  Consider the things you are involved in.  Do they glorify your husband?

“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Romans 12:3 ESV.

12. Be warm and gracious to his family, friends and co-workers.  Make your commitment to him obvious to others.  Let Christ shine through you.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” John 13:34 ESV.

I’m sure that we can come up with more but this is a good start!  

My copy of The Excellent Wife is a second hand copy.  At the bottom of this page someone wrote “What! What about the husband?”

“Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” James 3:13-18 ESV.

From my experience with this marriage thing, the more I uplift Hubs the more he uplifts me.    Goes around comes around?  Maybe. But the point is to honor and glorify Christ in all we do.  God’s Word is perfectly clear… would He ever steer us wrong?!

Until we meet again… In Love…

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Understanding A Wife’s Role

husband and wife loveGod, as always, has a perfect plan for our marriages.  We are beginning to understand that being a “helper”  is the task that God has assigned to us in our marriages.  Our goal is to glorify God.  Now is the time when we will get into God’s perspective of what this means.

Martha Peace gives us some ideas in her book The Excellent Wife:

God’s Perspective

1.  Men and women are created in the image of God.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV.

We agree that we are created in God’s image, don’t we?  So each of us have certain tasks we must complete.  For example, we are to be in charge of God’s creation to glorify God in all we do.

“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” Genesis 1:26 ESV.

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

We are also accountable to God by making responsible choices.  The right choices putting God first.

“Now we know that whatever the law says it speaks to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be stopped, and the whole world may be held accountable to God.” Romans 3:19 ESV.

Every moment of every day, we have  a big decision to make …Will I serve God?  Will I follow Christ? When we make the decision to serve God, we also make the decision to come to Him and let the Holy Spirit guide us in our decisions.  In that way, we learn to make responsible choices.

“And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

2.  In the order of creation, man was created first.

“For Adam was formed first, then Eve;” 1 Timothy 2:13 ESV

The order of creation is important and not something that should just be cast aside.  Adam (man) was created to rule over the earth.  Eve (woman) was created to help Adam in the role that God gave to him.  Though both were created in God’s image we each have different roles and duties to do for God.

3.  Woman was created for the man, not man for the woman.

“For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” 1 Corinthians 11:7-9. ESV.

Paul is telling us about God’s original intent ~ man is to glorify God and the woman is glorify the man.

Martha elaborates by using the Trinity, in which there is perfect harmony,  as the example.  “Within the Trinity there are three distinct roles:

The planner who makes the plans – God the Father.

The one who carries out the plans – God the Son.

The who also carries out the plans as well as keeps and empowers Christians – God the Spirit.”

All are satisfied with their roles, there are no “power plays”.  Also, look who gets the glory?  God!  Jesus glorified the Father by doing the Father’s work. We are to also glorify the Father by glorifying our husbands.  We were created for him.

4. The effects of the fall of man.

God created man (husbands) as the rulers over the earth.  God created woman (wives) to be their helpers.  (Yes, I need to keep repeating it because it’s important!)  There was harmony between them, each were fulfilling their roles as God intended them to be fulfilled.  Life was sweet! Then Eve ate that apple (shaking my head) so God pronounced judgment on both of them.  Part of this judgment was a power struggle between them.  Both, Adam and Eve, wanted to be the one in charge (that control issue again).

“To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.  Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 ESV.

“Rule over” are you kidding?  That’s just what I thought when I read that!  I’m sure many other women feel the same way (go ahead admit it).   Now, let’s just take a deep breath and think about this for a minute.  If we were not Christians, if we did not love our husbands, if we did not want to glorify God then “rule over” would be a huge deal!  I’ll give you that!  But we are Christians, we do love our husbands, we do want to glorify God “rule over” isn’t quite as scary as we first thought, is it?

5. The husband was and still is to be the head of his wife (and his home).

 “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV.

 “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”  Ephesians 5:23 ESV.

God tells us in His word that our husbands are to the ones in charge.  Being in charge isn’t being dictatorial, condescending, or patronizing because Christ was not.  Martha takes this a bit further…

a. The Model of Christ and the Church.  Wives are to model (“act out”) the church being submissive to and glorifying Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Ephesians 5:22,24,32 ESV.

Our role is a model of the church’s relationship to Christ.  Therefore, we should submit to our husband’s authority and use our talents and energies to glorify him.

b. Christ’s Response to the Church.  Our husband’s role is to model (“act out”) Christ’s response to the church. 

1. Christ die for the church, a sacrifice of self.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25 ESV.

2. Christ loves, nourishes, and cherishes the church.

“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33 ESV.

It is only by living and fulfilling our roles as God intended that our marriages will consist of unity and harmony.  What was lost when Eve ate the apple can now be regained through Christ.

QUESTION: It’s easy to see Eve’s role, but what about your role?  How, can you carry out your God-given role in your marriage?  How can you be a helper to your husband?  How can you glorify your husband and Christ?

Til we meet again… In Love!

The Vow Matters

marriage vows

As we went Back to Basics in the Gift of the Home Group, the first area we touched on was “Husbands”.  I’ve been thinking about the vows I took on my wedding day, the day I gave myself heart, body and soul to the love my live.

Definition of Vow:  a solemn promise or assertion; specifically one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition.

“Make your vows to the Lord your God and perform them; let all around him bring gifts to him who is to be feared,”  Psalm 76:11

Remember when you took your marriage vows?

You vowed “for better or for worse”.  You vowed “for richer, for poorer”.  You vowed “in sickness and in health”.  You vowed “to love and cherish”.  You vowed “from this day forward until death do us part.”

I know the world thinks that if you’re not happy, the marriage isn’t legitimate.  I know the world thinks that if there are problems then you should leave the marriage, cut your losses and move on.  If the vow meant, “we’ll stay married as long as we’re happy”, “as long was there are no problems” there would be no need for a vow!

The vow is what will hold you together, and God asked you to make that vow. God asked you to commit, because in committing to someone for life, we’re also creating a situation where we need to lean on God. When marriage is hard, you need God more. For marriages to improve, you need to emphasize God more, and yourself less.

Marriage is the rock that keeps communities together, and churches together, and countries together. When marriages break up, everything falls apart.

I know many of you reading this are going through rough times. I know you’re sad and lonely.  I see it time and time again.

But you promised. You chose this man on your own, and you vowed. Perhaps you did it out of desperation, wondering if anyone else would ever love you. Maybe you did it at a vulnerable time in your life, and you feel like it was a mistake.

Even so, you vowed. And vows matter.

At one point you loved this man enough to marry him. Can you find that in your heart again?

Because the vows matters.

“I must perform my vows to you, O God; I will render thank offerings to you.” Psalm 56:12

 

Back to the Basics – Husbands

husband-wifeWell ladies, we have had quite the journey together haven’t we?  We have gotten to know each other (except for the few beautiful ladies who are remaining mysterious 😉 , prayed for each other, encouraged each other, and have done some challenges together.  Now it’s time to go back to the basics.

Today, and everyday, we are going to focus our hearts and minds on our husbands.  (It’s always God first remember!).  Let me explain why.   Genesis 1:26-27 “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, …So God create man in His own image, in the image of God he created him…”  God created man first, and then He created his helpmate, Eve.  God did not want Adam to be alone, so He gave Him Eve.  Eve is Adam’s equal, but Adam is still the head of the home.  Paul explains in Ephesians 5 this way:

 ” 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. “

The world definitely does not agree with this.  The world would have us believe in order to be happy, we ourselves must come first.  Not true!  This does not mean your husband is greater than you or has total control over you.  It means your husband must follow Christ and lead in His example.

How do I put my husband first?  I am so glad you asked!

  • By praying for him (not for God to change him, nice try), for God to touch his heart, and lead the family in the direction which God would have you all go. Ask God to change YOU for your husband and His service.
  •  By being submissive to him.  Aha!  Lost a few of you didn’t I?  We do hate that word don’t we?  The world calls submission letting someone have total control over you, being a doormat.  Not in God’s definition!!!!  God defines submission to our husbands as a loving acknowledgment of another’s value as a person.
  • By doing little things to bring him joy.  Not talking about sex here, that’s later.  I’m talking about leaving him little love notes each day, setting out his comfy clothes to change into when he gets home from work, telling him “I love you” as often as you can.  Let God lead you on what would bring your husband this joy.
  • By not with-holding sex from him.  Denying your husband sex should never be used as punishment.  The Bible is very clear on this subject.  Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 7 this way:

“3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Sex between a husband and wife is a beautiful thing!  God created us to be one flesh, and that only happens when we submit to our husbands and lovingly, freely make love with him.  This will strengthen your relationship with each other, with God, and a closeness that comes from it cannot be equaled by anything else.

  • Do not bad mouth your husband to anyone at any time!  We are to build him up, not tear him down.  Again, God is very clear on this subject.

Proverbs 12:4  “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”  and again in Ephesians: “29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

This does not mean if you are having difficulty you cannot seek help, but go to God and your husband first, not to your friends or Facebook.

  • Do not go to bed angry. It solves nothing and causes a huge rift between you and your husband.  Do not send him or yourself out of the room to spend the night elsewhere.  God brought you together, DO NOT tear it apart.

Ephesians 4:31″ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” and again in verse 26-27 “26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Marriage is a partnership with God, your husband, and you.  If you keep all this in perspective, and follow God’s Word on marriage, I promise you, your marriage will only get better!  It will not be perfect, because we are not perfect, but it will be better.  Come on, what have you got to lose?  Let’s love our husbands!!!

“4 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

Question: What is one thing you can do to be submissive to your husband? Remember God defines submission to our husbands as a loving acknowledgment of another’s value as a person. So what is it that you can do to show this submission to him? Be honest…we cannot change what we do not know. Ask God to search your heart on this one.

Question: What is holding you back from being the wife God has called you to be? If you are unsure, ask God to reveal to you what walls you have placed between you and your husband. Remember, honesty is very important here.

Question: What is one area in your marriage you struggle with, and how are you going to overcome it?

Our journey together this week has been a long one. We have put our marriages at the forefront of our thoughts, and for many of us, it’s the first time in a very long time. We have answered some pretty tough questions, and been honest with ourselves. Our hearts have been moved, often to the point of tears, as our sisters here have shared their personal journeys with us. We have been so supportive of each other, and have joined in unity to ban satan from our marriages. This will be the last question of the week on our husbands. I am asking you all to pray and seek God before you answer it. Make a list of all the things you do on a daily basis, and put them in order of importance. Be very specific on this..for example if every day you exercise list it…if you call your mom..list it. Even if it’s something as simple as taking out the trash, list it. Now, look back on that list….where is your husband on it? Did you remember to list him near the top? He should be, right under God. If he isn’t near the top, or he isn’t on your list at all…why not? How can you re-priortize your daily life to include your husband? I would like to leave you all with something my Grandy told me a long time ago when I was pregnant with my first child. I was living in Ohio at the time, and my family was all in Colorado. They had a baby shower for me, and went around the room on film asking people to give me advice on being a new mom. Grandy’s advice is the only one I remember, and it still rings in my head. She said, “Don’t forget your husband.” be blessed, be loved, and remember, don’t forget your husband.

Submitted by KD for the GIft of the Home Group.  Thank you!

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