I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about this… it seemed to personal, this new conviction that God has placed inside me. The more I thought about it the more I thought that maybe, just maybe, other’s would feel the same way as I was, so here goes.
Yesterday,I decided to pick up a book to read. It was a book that looked interesting on Amazon but when I read the first paragraph I thought it didn’t apply to me. So I just put it on the book shelf and forgot about it.
As we all know, God has His ways to move us along on our journeys to bring us to walk more and more like Jesus.
I have to admit, I’ve been doing a bit of struggling lately… Hubs has been working in the yard going on almost four weeks now, which means he’s home every night. I’m not used to this… this coming home for lunch, being home at night. It isn’t that I don’t love having him home everyday, I do! I love when he walks in the door and I know he’s with me. I love to hear him pray as we are all around the dinner table. I love to feel him next to me as I sleep. But my schedule, my little world has been thrown topsy-turvy. There is more laundry, more pick up, more cooking, more cleaning. I was beginning to feel like a maid rather than his wife. I was getting irritated about little things. As much as I prayed, it still felt like a never-ending saga…apologize, try harder and fail.
This is where the book comes in…The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.
I needed to be reminded about my place in this home… who God wants me to be. I have a heart that wants to obey God in all ways but sometimes my heart is hardened to what’s really going on. Usually when I’m feeling topsy-turvy there’s something more going on, something I’m not obeying. Yet, our God brings us the understanding we need so desperately if we just quiet ourselves and listen.
There are twenty traits in Proverbs 31:10-31 that describe an excellent wife…
I confess I haven’t been living those traits these past few weeks. I haven’t been kind, I haven’t been wise, I haven’t been generous with myself, I haven’t been good to Hubs, I haven’t been respectful to him… do I have to go on? I know you get the picture.
The traits in Proverbs 31:10-31 are general truths ~ truths that must be obeyed so we can grow under the hands of our loving God. Martha tells us there is a problem to deal with first… the problem of sin in our lives.
Sin is what will keep us from being all we are made to be. The sin that has been holding me back these few weeks is the sin of wanting things my way. I want my house clean all the time, I want my time, I want … want …want. Why is it when we get stressed we resort to the things of the past rather than trusting in the truth of present? The truth that God has given us a helper, a helper who will help us overcome these feelings, these thoughts, if we only we ask? Is it because once again we want to control? Because we don’t want to call out for the help we need?
I prayed Martha’s prayer, “Dear Lord, I confess that I have not been the wife that You want me to be. I need your help to become that wife. I now commit myself to make my ministry to my husband the primary ministry of my life. Teach me what I need to know. I want my life and my relationship with my husband to glorify You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
I am ready to begin.