I know that God just doesn’t overlook our sin. He sees our sins yet He forgives us because Jesus took our sin on Himself. Jesus paid for our sin by His death on the cross. I know when I received Jesus into my life I became a new creation in Him, the old me passed away. Even though I know this, I know this to be true deep in my heart. I still feel the shame of my sin. I realize how unworthy I am to have received the salvation that I enjoy in Christ. I am ashamed for all the pain I have caused our Father. For the many sins, for the turning away.
In all honesty, I have allowed these feelings of shame and unworthiness to fester. To allow them to race around in my head.
I remember as a child, feeling these same feelings. The feelings of not quite worthy of anything. I remember the shame I felt, that I wasn’t good enough. I tried to find ways to make myself worthy. Yet no matter how I tried, I didn’t feel quite loved. As I matured, I put those feelings on the back burner, stuffed them down so I didn’t have to deal with them. Those feelings in turn, ate at me. I didn’t ask why I felt this shame. I just became trapped in my own world.
I am not willing to do that again. I am not willing to trap myself. I am not willing to go back into my own world.
God doesn’t want me to live a life of unworthiness and shame. He wants me to know and to fully experience His forgiveness. Since the moment I asked Jesus to forgive me and accepted Him into my life His forgiveness has been there for me to accept. God’s word says I am forgiven, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 ESV
God has changed areas in my life that needed to be changed to line up with His desire for me. He has changed me from the inside out.
I know this to be true.
I can feel it,
I can see it.
So why then are there times when I feel this shame?
If you had come to me a year ago and talked to me of the devil attacking I would have poofed you. But in the past four months, I have seen him attack. I have seen him rear his ugly head as others have taken another bold leap closer to God. I have seen him when we began a bible study in Gift of the Home. I have seen him trying to tear down what God has raised up. I have prayed against him. I have rebuked him.
In the past 24 hours, I’ve come to realize the devil doesn’t just attack in a loud, pushy way. There are times he speaks softly, knowing exactly where your weakness lies; causing you to rethink who you are in Christ. It’s a nagging in your mind. It doesn’t quite go away.
The irony of this is when you become a Christian, it is then when we realize how just how unworthy we are of the salvation that we enjoy through Jesus. He knows this is a good place to hit as you walk closer with God.
This is where the devil’s lie came in to haunt me. He knows just how strong my feelings of shame, of unworthiness, are and he was using those feelings to haunt me.
He was trying to use those feelings to convince me that I’m not worthy of God’s love. That I’m not worthy of a place in God’s Kingdom.
He was trying to paralyze me, so I wouldn’t obey God. So I wouldn’t follow God’s word.
The more I thought about my shame the more I thought that I was not worthy of this great love.
Yesterday, God began leading me out of the racing thoughts I had in my head. Leading me to the truth of the situation. God showed me to pray… the truth.
This is a glimpse of my Quiet Time yesterday, of the thoughts that I received as I did my study and prayer. “You are saved by Jesus. You don’t have to keep working through your past sins, You are forgiven, it is finished. Show love by your actions, not just by words, even when your heart says you aren’t good enough. I (God) know different. Obey Me and do what pleases Me. Follow My laws, obey, search for Me, walk My path, reflect on My principles.”
This post touched my heart yesterday, T.D. Jakes Ministries “Anytime God promises you something, get ready for trouble. The enemy will always attempt to oppose the Word God has spoken over your life.”
As I began to recognize the thoughts in my head were not my thoughts, I began to see more clearly God’s plan for me. It is not a plan of shame but one of light and love.
God will forgive me not once but always. Jesus died for every one of our sins. Not just for our past sins but those of the present and future as well.
I began to see my sin the way God sees it.
“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”
My sins are no longer “kept on file”, record is blotted out, destroyed. God cannot “forget” like in human error, but He chooses to “not remember.
”Isaiah 43:25 ESV “You have put all my sins behind your back.” Out of sight. God no longer “sees” me in light of my sins. He sees Jesus righteousness for me.” Isaiah 38:17 ESV
Shame is one of those things the Bible says must be cast out, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 ESV
I need to stop thinking about my sins of the past. They have already been dealt with and washed away. God wants us to be new creations because He doesn’t want our past to be a part of us anymore. God has chosen to to completely forget our sins and I should as well, moving forward on this journey knowing that God has great plans for me.
Why do you think God wanted us to be new creations?
God does not what our past to be a part of our future!
By putting our past behind us, we can grow into all God has for us… His plan for us.
Why am I’m allowing the devil a stronghold in my mind for something that I no longer am!?
Micah 7:19 ESV says, “He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.”
Isaiah 1:18 ESV, “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
Devil, let me tell you something I know to be true …
God sees me as worthy… He is truth… I am worthy!
I am God’s child forever! Nothing will ever change that!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV