This past week had been a difficult one, I struggled with some areas in my life. Areas that I felt sure of… areas that, for me, were areas of trust, of growth, of love.
You may be saying, “Why didn’t you pray?” I was on my knees, I was praying but I was not understanding, not hearing. Here I had been drawing closer to God, I was feeling Him, learning deeper truths about His love and now I felt as if I was in the midst of an enemy attack; on me, on the ones I am closest to.
My mind was a jumble of thoughts of trying to make things “right”. I was more than uncomfortable. I was experiencing the heat through discomfort and adversity. Everything seemed to be falling apart. I didn’t have the words to convey what I was going through. The words I did speak, I felt, were misunderstood.
As the pressures mounted, I did what many of us are prone to do…I began to focus on how to change things to bring me to a comfortable place. Yet, try as I did, I just became more frustrated, exhausted by trying to say words that wouldn’t come, by not understanding what was going on, by not getting answers. My patience was wearing thin. Though I was asking God to make the situation clear to me, the answers didn’t happen the instant I asked – His answer had to work its way into my understanding.
I was feeling helpless, fearful and uncertain… the time when the devil moves in. And he did, quickly and with power. Causing turmoil in my friendships; dividing and separating us.
I can’t be right with God and wrong with you. So anything the devil can stir up between us is to his benefit and destroys us. It steals our joy. You can’t be bitter towards someone or unforgiving and then have inner peace. It separates us from God as well as the other person.
I didn’t realize that God was in the process of purifying my life to keep me moving forward with His plan for me. I didn’t realize, sometimes the enemy’s attacks and His refining power look-alike. Since I didn’t realize that God was in the process of refining me – I didn’t allow Him to work by cooperating and allow Him to remove what was impure in me, instead rebelled against His refining fire. I didn’t look for the ways that God was using my difficulties to refine me.
I needed to learn patience while awaiting answers from Him. I needed to learn patience so as not to allow the devil a strong-hold. I needed to learn to keep leaning in to Him. I needed to learn that if I see a negative situation in my life it as a means for God to work good in me, changing me on a deeper level. God wants to purify our lives of the things that keep us from moving forward with His plan for us.
The sacrifice of Jesus is to reconcile us back to a relationship with God shows just how much He values us… even when we are lost. God sees us not as full of impurity but full of potential. God loves us too much to leave us just as we are. Our impure self cannot reflect all He is. Our fullest joy is realizing in the growing light our reflection of Him in our lives.
I pray that my deepest, closest friends (KD and CF) forgive me for allowing the devil a foothold in our relationship. I pray they can forgive the words spoken. I pray they can understand that our walks are not the same, God works in each of us differently. I pray that our relationship can be restored stronger as it was before.
Hosea 6:1-2 says, “He has torn us to pieces but He will heal us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds. After two days He will revive us; on the third day He will restore us, that we may live in His presence.”