“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
What if you didn’t receive the love you needed growing up? What if you felt alone? What if you felt small and insignificant? What if you didn’t express your thoughts, your feelings, or your needs to others?
It takes love for us to grow emotionally. If we aren’t nurtured with love, our emotions will stay immature. How do you get the love that you need so desperately when the ones who are supposed to love you don’t (or aren’t able to) to communicate it to you? We begin to search for the love we need. How are we doing this? By trying anything; we’ll do and say anything to gain attention, acceptance and love from others. It doesn’t matter if the attention is negative ~ it’s still attention.
I was that child that felt alone. I was the child that felt small and insignificant. I was that child that didn’t express my thoughts, my feelings or my needs to others.
This is painful to express… my need for love. As I look back on my childhood, there is much that I have blocked. Yet, I remember, trying to be small, to not take up space, to not be in the line of sight. I remember being uncomfortable around others; not knowing what to say or do because I just didn’t know.
I made many mistakes in my life on my search for love. I chose people who didn’t know how to give or receive love either. I was afraid of making decisions; therefore, I just went with the flow. All I thought was that if someone paid attention to me, it was love.
When I let God take control, things changed in ways that I could never have imagined. I thought that I was unlovable; He loved me. I thought that maybe it was I who was unworthy of love; His love for me inspired me, gave me joy in the face of difficulties, and gave me strength. I thought that my shattered heart would never mend; His love for me helped me pick up the shards and put them back together into a new creation in Christ.
I learned to look back on my mistakes and vow not to make them again on my search for love. So, one night, I decided to sit and think about what I needed to fulfill my need for love from another human being. I actually wrote out a list, a list of my needs. I know it sounds silly and childish but in my mind that night I needed concrete evidence of where I was going. I prayed for His guidance and direction.
That list that God and I created together gave me the strength to let go of relationships that weren’t meant to be. That list taught me that love works in magical ways, but never be fooled by the promise of forever. That list taught me that love can never be wrong; it’s the people, time and place that go wrong. That list taught me that love can never be forced or created if it was never meant to be. That list taught me that there will always be one true love for you, to have and to hold; he may not be the one you expect, but he’s the one for you. That list taught me to look inside someone to see who God created them to be. That list taught me to not run after love, instead sit still and it will come to you when you are ready to receive it. That list brought my blessing to me.
I’ve learned from my other half, who makes me whole, love is a feeling that’s seen in one’s eyes. Love doesn’t seek what’s not there. Love has no eyes, it isn’t blind; it sees but it doesn’t mind. Love accepts all pains to bear. Love is the joy that make people smile, the pain that makes people cry to the point you taste their tears. The more you love, the more you lose a part of you; yet you don’t become less of who you are, you just end up being complete. Love is giving others the freedom to be who they choose to be. Love is allowing people in your life to make choices. Love is a noble act of self giving, offering your trust, faith and loyalty. Love is heard even in silence. Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive. Love is not how you listen but how you understand. Love is what you feel not what you see. Love is like air and you can’t see it but you can feel it. Love knows no lies. Love defies all reasons.
Let love be the guide to your dreams. Let love be the light to your heart.