Distorted Thoughts

We all have people in our lives that only come to us when they want or need something.  Come on, you know who I’m talking about.  They are never around when we need or want something.  They, in all reality, shouldn’t even be in our lives.  Their needs are great and we struggle with our feelings about the relationship we have with them.

Today during Quiet Time I was told that I am one of those people with God.  I ask for too much.  I ask for forgiveness, growth in Him, provisions, for safety, for healing, for others.  It’s hard to admit that you’re being selfish but it’s heart-crushing when you are told by God.  When this realization hit my heart physically hurt.  To think that God looks down on me and says “You ask again?  Do you not know that I’m already on it?   Can’t you for once ask if I need something?   Oh, my selfish child!”

In all my relationships I’ve consciously tried NOT to be that type of person but yet with the most important relationship in my life…I am that person.  I’ve just been thinking and praying about what He can do for me.  I’m like a selfish child, happy when things are going my way but withdrawn when it’s not.  This is not a healthy relationship with God!  My thoughts about God have become distorted by my own selfishness.

I began to think about everything that God does for me… His love for me, His mercy, His guidance, His provisions.  He blesses me with so much and yet I ask for more.  More love, more mercy, more guidance, more provisions.

Why can’t I not be content with the blessings?

I’m not content because I’m not fully allowing God to work in every area of my life. I hold back areas that I feel I can control on my own.

I’m afraid to ask God what He wants and needs from me.  Maybe it will take me out of my comfort zone?  Maybe it will take some effort?  What if it’s more than I think that I can do?  What if I let Him down?

So what’s a woman to do?  Well, this woman got on her knees and gives everything, everything in her world to God. God knows what’s best for me, for my family, for my world.  How could He not?  He knows and is ALL.  I, for the first time I remember, ask God what He wants and needs from me?  I felt a sense of new determination sweep through me!

I’m willing to do whatever He wants because I know that He’s with me every single step of the way!  He will not forsake me.

I know that He will guide me in new directions.  It will not happen this second, this minute, this hour or this day.  But I’m going to consciously put God first in everything.  To continually ask Him what He wants, for what He needs (instead of me, me, me) I will be growing closer to Him day by day.

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