I know it’s been a while…but I needed to think to let the feelings flow through me about the door. I needed to pray, I needed to think, I needed to do the pros and cons of the situation. I think I understand the reason why he didn’t take the plea though I know he will at the very last minute.. How do I know? My heart tells me so.
What have I come up? What has God led me to do?
As I go through all the thinking it occurred to me…I can shut the door at any time. I have the power and the control. It’s not in his hands it’s in mine. He hasn’t had control over me since that night. I just haven’t felt that. It was ingrained in me that he has the control I didn’t see what God was trying to show me. So I have decided that going back to play his game isn’t in my best interests. My life is here not there. I just know in my heart that he’ll take the plea at the last minute… he’s not that dumb. So I don’t personally see the point of going back for nothing.
The door has been closing since that night. It just wasn’t shutting because I wasn’t allowing it to. It was me keeping that door open.
I had to come to terms with the fact that it’s all in God’s hands. I had to leave it to God. Hard to do when “control” is a huge issue for me. Each day I lay it down and each day it becomes easier.
God had a hand in all of it so I will allow God to do as He thinks is right. It’s not my place to judge…. It’s God’s.