Not Yet

My heart is in confusion and pain… yes, I knew this was coming but it seemed in the distant future, not now.  Not as I’m still trying to let it go day by day.  Not as I haven’t completely forgiven.  I thought I had but the news today showed me that I hadn’t.  Not fully.  Not as God has forgiven me.

I just want it all to be behind me…not in front of me once again.  I don’t want to go back but I just might have to.  I don’t want to see but I just might have to.

I haven’t heard from the DA yet but I know that’s coming. I know that I have to make the phone call, see where things are.  Is he going to take the plea?  I just don’t know, this man who thinks he can do no wrong.  I’m hoping, I’m praying that he does.  It’s a fair plea.

I wanted to have totally forgiven him as God has forgiven me but I’m not there yet… I need more time.  More time to let go.

I don’t want to go back for a trial. To see him, the family that was once mine.  I want to stay here.

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