My heart is in confusion and pain… yes, I knew this was coming but it seemed in the distant future, not now. Not as I’m still trying to let it go day by day. Not as I haven’t completely forgiven. I thought I had but the news today showed me that I hadn’t. Not fully. Not as God has forgiven me.
I just want it all to be behind me…not in front of me once again. I don’t want to go back but I just might have to. I don’t want to see but I just might have to.
I haven’t heard from the DA yet but I know that’s coming. I know that I have to make the phone call, see where things are. Is he going to take the plea? I just don’t know, this man who thinks he can do no wrong. I’m hoping, I’m praying that he does. It’s a fair plea.
I wanted to have totally forgiven him as God has forgiven me but I’m not there yet… I need more time. More time to let go.
I don’t want to go back for a trial. To see him, the family that was once mine. I want to stay here.