Arguing With God

images (5)Job 22:21-28  Have I been arguing with God? Yes, I guess I have been but not in the literal sense.  I’ve been looking at the past thinking that it just may be my future.  I keep thinking that this life I’m living right now is just a dream.  A dream I’ll wake up from and I will be worse off than when it began.

I guess I’ve been thinking that I’m unworthy of all this.  That I did nothing to deserve it.  But God doesn’t give to those who “deserve”  He gives to those He loves.  He gives to those who have faith in Him, to those who do their best to follow His ways.  Who am I to argue with God’s logic?

Today during quiet time there was alot to take in… Joel says you become what you believe you are.  So just who do I want to be?

I know that I want to be a child of God.  That has to come first before everything else.  I’m afraid that I don’t live up to what God wants for me, that I let Him down.  Psalm 21 says that God welcomes us back with open arms.  That our love for God keeps us from stumbling.  That soothes me… to know that no matter how I feel or how I think I’m failing God is there for me and loves me unconditionally.  I’m not perfect and He doesn’t expect me to be.

I know that I want to be everything Hubs needs me to be.  I want to be the best “little homemaker”, the best best friend, the best lover, the best listener.  Maybe that’s where part of the problem lies, I want to be perfect!  Don’t we all?  But I’m starting to understand that isn’t what Hubs wants from me “perfection”.  He wants and loves me!  Just who I am with no fluff.  He doesn’t care if the house is perfectly organized and spotless, he doesn’t care of my make-up is perfect, he doesn’t care if dinner was an epic fail.  He’s in love with me.  He tells me often enough, he shows me all the time.  Hubs is in love with me, not for the things I do for him but for who I am.   Then why do I feel the need to be perfect?

I’m trying to be perfect so this wonderful life full of blessings doesn’t slip away from me.  So while I’m so busy trying to be perfect I’m seeing the beauty and love in the here and now.  I’m letting my blessings slip away from me moment by moment by not living in the here and now.  I’m worrying about the past, which can’t be changed, and worrying about a future that isn’t even here yet.  I’m wasting what God has given me!

” Today, Donna, we believe God wants you to know that …you can be an echo of your past, or the glory of your future.  Past is connected to future through the present. At this very moment, at every moment, you are choosing to carry on the past with all its troubles on your shoulders, OR to let it go and see bright future pull your forward. Choose wisely.” (from facebook)

I love light-bulb moments!  Moments of perfect clarity!  I understand my words better day by day… I must have FAITH in the future because God is with me and must live in the Present so I can have joy in what He’s blessed me with!

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